If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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