Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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