oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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