i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
