And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
