You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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