dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
