you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
