2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I didn't notice because vodka
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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