I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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