I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
