So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
