I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize