another moral hangover. fuck.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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