Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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