Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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