I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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