I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
