But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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