dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
