Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
