just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
