At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
