Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
