They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
