i don't plan on having that self control this summer
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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