I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Alive.
So much puke
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
