So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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