She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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