i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize