There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
