lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
