I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
