In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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