Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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