I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
