i wish there were pregnant emoticons
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I need to sanitize my soul.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
