In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize