I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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