His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
