i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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