in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
