Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
