I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
