So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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