Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Randomize
