Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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