I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
