my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
no you cant smoke seaweed
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
