I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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