And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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