Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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