farters have to be the big spoon...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
