i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
