Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
