Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
