I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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