i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
