Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Vodka?
Forever.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
