I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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