I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
