i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
