I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
