guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
