I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
