I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
