Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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