When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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