Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
