I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Less talking, more tequila
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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