he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
