it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
