How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
