We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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