The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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