I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
