apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
