my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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