I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
