I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
