I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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