i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize