if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
